01. Evolving Daddy

Hey there! Welcome to Evolving Daddy. If you happen to be a new, aspiring, or even an old dad, join me on the journey and let’s evolve together. If you are someone else, does not matter, join us, and have some fun too… at our expense.

One of the most underrated movies I’ve ever watched is The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human. I love it not just for the electrifying Electrica, but for its sarcasm and humor. This hilarious mockumentary delves into the bizarre mating habits of our species.

At the beginning of the movie, the narrator, likely an alien anthropologist, says:

“Of all the creatures in the universe, none possess a mating ritual as complex, as perverse, as tragically beautiful as the earthbound human. More passionate than the Orktamus of Centali Five, more neurotic than the Sleekanda of Sleewa, it is a wonder that these furry creatures have not gone extinct millennia ago. But despite their self-inflicted paradox, their numbers grow at a rapid pace, over-consuming their tiny planet. For it is from these creatures that we have acquired the universal expression ‘f*** like people.’”

“With a mating ritual so complex and intricate that their mere survival defies all logic, one can only feel for them a sense of respect and admiration. So let’s not blow up their planet after all.”

We are a serially monogamous species. We fall in love more deeply than most species because our survival depends on it. However, as a cultural species, there is often an evolution-defying gap between falling in love and having a baby. Yet, here we are.

We will start from the beginning, long before our daughter Hridhima was born. A time when she was just an idea. Yeah right, the very beginning… the dreaded three letter taboo word – SEX.

For men sex is always FUN, right? Wrong. The time you take the decision to take your relationship one step ahead, sex is not about having fun, it is about having…BABIES.

There will be changes in your life- good and bad.

No more do you need to remember the special dates, like the first time you had some silly ice-cream together, to have good sex. Instead, now you must remember the right day in her monthly cycle. No more will your sex performance be rated by your ability to make her have orgasm, but by your ability to get those blue lines on the pregnancy test. 

And once you are successful in your objective, it will be all about the mother. You, the poor daddy, will hardly be noticed the next nine months by people other than your now unpredictable wife, whose mood swings will keep confusing you. Your inability to do anything but helplessly watch the pain of the one you love, during the labor, will make you feel miserable. And then when all that is over, will come the time of sleepless nights and nappy changes. Welcome to the world of fatherhood, and believe me, life can’t get better.

'Evolving Daddy' is about the evolution of a father, it is about the things I learn from my kid. It is about those nine months and beyond. I am not a doctor, so do not expect any technical advice. It is about what I am learning from our experience through parenthood.

To be honest, this is not written for you, but for me. I chose to write this blog to journal my experience. A decade from now many of what I write would be erased from my memory. But then, evolving daddy-my external memory journal, will have me covered. And may be some day Hridhima would read it. What would her future self feel about all this?

We have been through those nine months, and it has been the best nine months in our life so far. It has not only been only about her, but about us. We have been together through these nine months and will be together through the rest of our life.

We are a social species. We are programmed to fall in love with our partners, and our kids. The Oxytocin our body generates enhances the parent-child bond. Along with vasopressin, it creates bonds of love between males and females. Unlike solitary species, for social species like us, we spend time together to raise our kids.

No matter what the society try to make you believe, fathers do have active role to play even while mamma is pregnant. Do not shy away, because these moments won’t come back. There is more to men then just sex and booze.