12. Advice Advice!

First time parents find themselves short of time, space, sleep and sex. But there is one thing they won’t find themselves short of – advice. 

From the aaya in the hospital, to the stranger in the road, to your over-paid maid; everyone will have at-least one advice for you. Luckily you can easily ignore their advice. It is the advice from your close friends and families that you will find hard to ignore. And you know what is worse? Two mother-in-laws together, with totally opposite advice. Yes, you are trapped, you have reached the limit of your temper, and you are about to burst. Your ego might make you want to shout, ‘It is our child, you have had your share of parenting, let us have ours’. That's exactly how we felt.

Take a deep breath, relax, and ask yourself; what is more important, your ego or your child? 

Anger never helps; respecting your parents is a way of ensuring that your child learns to respect you. The day your parents stop advising you is the day they have given up on you and may be even stopped caring.

Moreover, some of their advice are really worth listening, for others there is a simple trick. This is where your doctor comes to rescue.  Tell them that the doctor told you not to do it. It always works! Sometimes a lie is worth a thousand truth.

Listen to all advice and cleverly use your veto power to rule out the horrible ones. At the end, it is your instincts that matter, even more than your logic.

Earlier, I wished if babies came with instruction manual. The truth is, they do. It is already implanted in the brains of the parents. Listen to it and believe it even more than the doctor’s advice, because doctor’s advice change with time, space and society.

During the feminist movements doctors advised bottle and formula feeding. Now with the green movements and movements to go back to nature, breastfeeding is back on agenda. There was a time when doctors advised to let the babies sleep on their tummies so that they don’t choke, now they advise that they must sleep on their back. There was a time when oil message was mandatory for babies, now they advise to avoid it. You see what I mean?

There's a compelling evolutionary reason for the significance of advice. Observe newborns: compared to other animal babies, human infants are remarkably immature. They cannot walk, talk, or survive alone. This prolonged period of dependency necessitated extended caregiving. Not only did parents collaborate, but grandparents, with their wealth of experience, also played a vital role. In some cases, the entire tribe came together to nurture the young. And all of them came with advice.

Humans are not only born immature; we also experience a lengthy childhood. No other species enjoys such an extended period of development. These adaptations were driven by the demands of our larger brains, which, despite their advantages, also posed challenges. However, the gamble paid off.

The extended caregiving period allowed human children to spend more time observing and learning from their elders. This facilitated cultural transmission, enabling rapid adaptation to changing environments. Our neocortex, the part of the brain responsible for higher-order thinking, doesn't fully mature until around age 25. This makes us particularly susceptible to cultural influences, shaping our character and beliefs.

While our prolonged infancy may seem like a disadvantage, it has ultimately contributed to our success as a species. The benefits of cultural inheritance far outweigh the drawbacks of a longer developmental period, enabling us to create and maintain complex societies and technological advancements.

Every baby is different; everyone grows at their own pace. Different advice works for different babies. Listen to yourself and find the one that suites your baby best. Here is the end of my advice. Use your veto power to over-rule it if you like.