Tuesday, October 18, 2011

04. Coping with the Loss


We fell in love in 2004, got married in 2007. Three years later, in 2010, we decided to take our relationship one step ahead. She was pregnant and it was twin pregnancy. Everything was normal till the 8th week. The USG revealed that the embryo was not growing. The doctor recommended an abortion next day. We were heartbroken.


It was a sad event, but we came out of it more mature. An event like these brings couples together. It is common for couples to feel guilty when a miscarriage happens, “Did we do something wrong?”. But the truth is, no one is responsible. It is a natural loss of pregnancy.

We later realized that early pregnancy loss is very common. Around 15-20% of all pregnancies are failed one and there can be 1000s of reasons for it. But since these things are well kept secret in our society, we hardly get to know about them. What happens, happens for good. Nature is not perfect; failed pregnancy is nature’s way of eliminating its defective creation. Natures know best, and there is no point crying over it.

One reason we got over it very quickly was because only we two were there to handle it. Too many sympathizers can keep reminding you of the loss. We went for a vacation couple of weeks later and came back totally refreshed. We decided to wait few months before trying again. But it was a lesson for us, and we were better prepared next time. We went for pre-conception counseling that we did not do earlier. And now, a year later, we are enjoying our new status.

30 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear that. but as you said in the last paragraph , its when we involve everyone which is what brings about troubles ..

    these things to get pregnant or not , when to have a child is a Couples private matter nothing to do with anyone who ever they are ..

    Glad to hear it brought the two of you closed and you learned a lot .. Congrats on the Love of your life the little one :)

    Bikram's

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  2. I always like to believe that everything happens with a reason. And now you are proud parents of beautiful girl :)

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  3. yes everything happens for a reason,some loss meant to keep us closer to our loved ones..and I agree nature knows the best

    and how's ur little angel doing today? I like to address her as little angel..

    im goin to be regular here,really..i love this blog so much,i can feel some love here...

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  4. I have loved being a parent, a MOM. This blog is something that is going to touch my heart and make a place over there... The pic of you three together looks amazing too. Congratulations SUB.. you are going to be a great Dad.

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  5. I have read somewhere that many loose their baby, even before they know they are pregnant. I'm glad this time did go well.

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  6. Hmm! I am happy for your daughter and am sure you look at it that way as well, god had his plans..and here you are an evolving daddy...

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  7. My sympathies, I've been through a miscarriage myself, and it too was in the first trimester (when the vast majority of miscarriages happen) and I am fully aware first hand of the pain (physical yes but much more emotional) involved in a miscarriage...and could not agree more about the plus side of not having too many sympathizers, I was certainly glad that my miscarriage happened in the US, away from family, and none of my close friends even knew about it yet, but after it happened I did confide in a couple of close friends, because the emotional burdern was too much to bear alone...

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  8. With my sister and mom carrying Trisomy 18, I know all too well about losing a baby! My sister had one miscarriage, one baby born with Trisomy 18 that passed away after a day and now one that's living with Trisomy 18.

    My mom had one baby born before all of my sisters and I that had Trisomy 18 and lived for two weeks.

    It's so hard!

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  9. @Bikramjit: nothing to be sorry about...that's my point...and we are happy now :D

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  10. @the other side of me: that's a sweet name...she is doing gr8, thank u! :D

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  11. @Ege: that's true... thanks :)

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  12. @TheBluntBlogger: Oh yea...I always wanted a girl :)...thanks

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  13. @AAD: thanks soo much for sharing...:)

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  14. @alissa4illustration: oh! that's was really hard...glad u shared

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  15. Ohhh...these testing times definitely bring out the best out of us. Am glad you took it as a lesson and am sure you're better prepared for your daughter now :)

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  16. @Hope: Oh I am...thanks soo much :)

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  17. Person who has seen harder days knows precisely the value of the better time...

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  18. i feel bad for the loss...but then i feel happier for the happiness and the new life you have around :)

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  19. @ Rohan: so true...thanks :)

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  20. @ A grain of sand: don't feel bad...its part of life...thanks :)

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  21. You've coped up with life's greatest loss in a well matured way. Am learning a lot here SUB. This is gonna help me a lot in life!

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  22. @Anand: r u planning on something??? ;P
    thanks a lot

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  23. ohh sad that was.. but then its all about life neer ending miseries.. but then you are having a baby now.. enjoy the moment.. & where is the treat :P

    Weakest LINK

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  24. @Rachit: treat is on...tell me what do u want? :)

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  25. u knw which lines I like the best Sub...these ones: "Nature is not perfect; failed pregnancy is nature’s way of eliminating its defective creation. Natures know best, and there is no point crying over it."

    These lines say how you two together emerged stronger and I really feel that it is in moments like these that the mother to be needs nothing more than an understanding husband!! and well that I can see thru the posts:)God Bless:)

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  26. @Aakriti: that is one of the many lessons life has taught me :)....glad u liked it

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  27. U knw Sub....these life experiences after a while take the definition of "lessons"...learn from them...its like take it or leave it situation to carry on with life:)

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  28. @Aakriti: yea...Just that i don't like the phrase 'carry on with life'...'carry' seems like a burden!...life isn't...:)

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