04. Coping with the Loss

We fell in love in 2004, got married in 2007. Three years later, in 2010, we decided to take our relationship one step ahead. She was pregnant and it was twin pregnancy. Everything was normal till the 8th week. The USG revealed that the embryo was not growing. The doctor recommended an abortion next day. We were heartbroken.

It was a sad event, but we came out of it more mature. An event like these brings couples together. It is common for couples to feel guilty when a miscarriage happens, “Did we do something wrong?”. But the truth is, no one is responsible. It is a natural loss of pregnancy.

We later realized that early pregnancy loss, also called spontaneous abortion, is very common. Around 15-20% of all pregnancies are failed one, and it increases with the age of mother. There can be 1000s of reasons for it. The most common reason is chromosomal abnormalities. But since these things are well kept secret in our society, we hardly get to know about them.

What happens, happens for good. Nature is not perfect; failed pregnancy is nature’s way of eliminating its defective creation. Natures know best. The more we openly talk about it the lesser stressful it is for aspiring parents. That is the reason I wanted to pen it down.

One reason we got over it very quickly was because only we two were there to handle it. Too many sympathizers can keep reminding you of the loss.

Everyone has their own way to deal with grief. We went for a vacation couple of weeks later and came back totally refreshed. You must find yours.

We decided to wait few months before trying again. But it was a lesson for us, and we were better prepared next time. We went for pre-conception counseling that we did not do earlier. And now, a year later, we are enjoying our new status.